


Because of You

by ErBearG32



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Extremely Anti-Bellarke, Extremely Anti-Clarke, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Injuries, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale, broken relationships, cursing, no forgiveness, no happy ending, season 6, tagged with both John/Bellamy tags just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-10-26 09:26:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17743274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErBearG32/pseuds/ErBearG32
Summary: My take on the beginning of season 6 once Spacekru find out about Monty and Harper's deaths and the new planet, and based on the knowledge that we know that Murphy will be "pissed" at Clarke for her actions. Just how pissed is he? And is there any repairing the damage that has been done?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot is leaning slightly towards being "Anti-Clarke", just as a forewarning. I really, really do not like her anymore after her season 5 actions, and I'm Team Spacekru. IMO, Spacekru have a right to be furious and un-forgiving towards her, as well as Bellamy, and I personally cannot wait to see what John Murphy's reaction will be in canon once the show returns in April. However, like always, I'm still trying to keep this as in-character as possible, but this was not written w/ sympathy towards Clarke or the Bellarke relationship.

Bellamy should have seen it coming. He knew Murphy well enough by now, especially after 6 years living together on the Ring, to know when he was not okay - when he was hanging on by a thread - and now was one of those times. He knew that Murphy never took kindly to people putting those he loved, those he cared about, in mortal danger and he didn't forgive easily.

In fact, it had taken Bellamy himself 4 years to earn Murphy's forgiveness; even after they had become close friends up on the Ring - even after they had spent countless days and nights just sitting together just talking and confiding in one another - forgiveness for the past had still not been granted. And if he was honest with himself, Bellamy could never blame him for that.

It had taken him much less time to fully and completely trust Murphy again himself, and to forgive him; but Murphy, with his complicated past and the amount of pain still lying on his shoulders, it had taken him longer. And Bellamy, as he had learned to use both his head and his heart over the years, had given him as much time and space as he needed. Murphy had to learn for himself that he could trust him again, that he wouldn't hurt him this way again - at least not intentionally. And that he did care. A lot.

After 4 years, Bellamy's relationship with Murphy had developed into a close brother-like bond, and besides Raven, he had become one of his closest friends. That didn't mean that Murphy himself was okay; Bellamy didn't know, after everything he had been through, if he would ever be okay, much less with himself. While forgiveness had been granted between all 7 members of Spacekru, there where still topics of discussion that had yet to be completely dealt with.

And now that it was staring them right in the face, with no other option but to deal with it, Bellamy feared for Murphy's emotional state. 

As Bellamy and Clarke had introduced Spacekru to Jordan after waking all of them up from cryo just minutes ago, Bellamy had kept an especially close eye on Murphy, waiting for whatever may happen next. His friend's emotions where still raw from what had taken place on the ground before the Damocles missles had hit the valley. He was still recovering from surgery after having been shot twice, and while Bellamy knew Murphy would not admit it, he was still in pain. 125 years didn't make any difference to them; they had all been frozen in a deep sleep all this time and it felt like they had just went to bed the night before. All physical injuries where still there; all emotional traumas where still there. While Bellamy's eyes wandered around his family, taking in each of their faces as the new planet was revealed, his tear-filled eyes kept wandering back to Murphy as Monty's elderly voice in the video said his final words and their long-time friend's face - their brother's face - froze in place as the video ended.

Monty had saved Murphy's life in the final moments before the missiles had hit Earth; none of them knew that both he and Harper where going to choose to stay awake on the ship, which meant none of them got a chance to say goodbye, not even Murphy. 

A long, tense silence filled the bridge where they all stood, the only sounds made coming from Raven and Emori as each of the girls let out harsh sobs as they both slumped in nearby chairs. Echo, her own eyes filled with pain and tears streaming down her face, moved up behind Raven and had wrapped her arms around her from behind in comfort. Bellamy watched as Murphy's face took on a whole mixture of emotions and his blue eyes pooled with tears and spilled down his cheeks; he watched as pain contorted his features before his eyes hardened as they moved slowly to where Clarke was standing off to the side. Her head was down, turned away from the group and staring at the planet looking back at them; but she had to have sensed Murphy's glare because Bellamy watched as she turned back around and flinched underneath his harsh look.

"This is YOUR fault!" He finally snapped and Bellamy closed his eyes, flinching at the pain - the rage - in his friend's voice, but didn't say anything. Murphy needed to get this out; it was time, and Clarke needed to hear it and take it in. In the past, he probably would attempt to put a stop to it before it even started, he probably would jump in to defend Clarke; but that was in the past. And Murphy had kept this bottled up inside of him for years...and if he was honest with himself, he too was still angry,

"It's your fault they're dead, Clarke!" Murphy continued, taking a shaky step closer, his eyes wet, yet filled with hatred towards the one responsible,  
"Why didn't you listen? Why didn't you listen to Bellamy, to Madi, to MONTY? They would still be alive - Earth would still be alive - if it wasn't for you!" The anger, the bitterness in his voice only grew with each passing word. Bellamy opened his eyes and watched as each member of his family - Murphy, Echo, Emori and Raven - all turned to look at Clarke; Raven's dark eyes where filled with a matching hatred similar to Murphy's. In fact, the look in her eyes reminded him of when Clarke had killed Finn all those years ago. Jordan continued standing off to the side looking uncomfortable, as if he felt like he shouldn't be there, but chose not to say a word,  
"You left Bellamy to die, Clarke - to DIE - and you didn't care! You didn't care about what would have happened to him; you didn't care about what would have happened to any of US either! Yet, you just left him there!" Murphy's eyes darkened as Clarke took a step backwards, attempting to hold herself together and not try and defend herself; she knew as well as anyone that she deserved the hatred, she deserved Murphy's words - no matter how unfair and cruel she might think they where,  
"You where going to kill ALL of us, you sided with McCreary, Clarke! McCreary! The bastard who tortured Raven and I! The bastard who electrocuted her and was going to kill me! You sided with him and then left everyone to die in the gorge! But you didn't care, did you? You cared about nobody and you damn well know it!" Murphy's voice started rising even more and Bellamy knew it wouldn't be too long before he completely lost it and would start throwing chairs and tables. If it came to that point, he knew he was going to have to step in and intervene. He turned towards Clarke and watched as her face started crumpling and tears welled up in her own eyes.

"How could you do this to us, Clarke? HOW?! Monty and Harper are now dead because of you! And we never got a chance to say goodbye to them!" He watched as Clarke brought a trembling hand to her mouth as a sob escaped her,  
"What? It wasn't enough that you where going to try and kill Emori in the radiation chamber back at Becca's lab? It wasn't enough that you didn't care what she meant to me? You HUNG ME! You banished me and wanted me dead for something I didn't do, and even blamed me for FINN'S actions! And now...Now you had to go and try and kill my entire family this time, didn't you, Wanheda?!" The Commander of Death name for Clarke made her visibly flinch,  
"You have to dig the knife in deeper, right? You have to make sure you really do the job and make it hurt, right? I know you don't give a shit about me, Clarke, or my own feelings - you never have; but my family?!"

"Murphy, please..." Clarke finally choked out, her hand still covering her mouth as the tears now streamed down her face again. But Murphy wasn't done, and Bellamy knew it.

"Monty fucking saved my life after I was shot, Clarke, and I never got a chance to thank him because of you! MONTY! He was supposed to be your friend, too!" His voice completely broke on Monty's name and without any warning or before Bellamy could stop him, his friend had picked up a nearby chair and threw it, sending it crashing into a nearby desk. Before he could do or say anything else, and before Murphy completely lost it, Bellamy rushed over to him just as he crumpled to the ground, clutching his right shoulder. Kneeling beside him as he heard sobs sounding from the rest his family, as well as Clarke, Bellamy wrapped a careful arm around Murphy's waist and gently held onto the wrist that was pressing against his wounded shoulder.

"Easy. Take it easy, Murphy," Bellamy gently soothed his friend, even as his own voice cracked with emotion.  
"Just breathe." Seeing the look of pain contorting his face, Bellamy carefully removed the hand pressing into his shoulder and his eyes widened at the sight of his bloody palm. Murphy's stitches had just been torn open, and now on top of the emotional agony, the anger and rage towards Clarke building and building inside of him, he was also now in physical pain all over again. 

Even with the pain searing through his shoulder however, Murphy still found the energy to glare back up at Clarke as she was now openly sobbing and spit out through his tears,  
"This is your fault...It's your fault, Clarke! You took our family away from us - forever..." His vision blurred with the stream of tears as he hissed,  
"I hate you..." The last words where much more quiet and Bellamy felt his friend finally collapse into him as all his energy drained and the pain took over.

Gripping Murphy's waist tightly and moving his other hand to the wound in his shoulder that was covered in his own blood all over again, Bellamy whispered brokenly,  
"Come on. Come with me." When Murphy didn't object, Bellamy helped his best friend to his wobbly feet and, with his arms wrapped securely around him, led him towards the medical ward on the ship. As they started to make their way down the hallway, Bellamy was just able to make out Clarke's distraught and broken whispers through her sobs.

"I'm so sorry..."

Turning to look at Murphy who was beside him, Bellamy knew that he had heard Clarke's words by the way he clenched his eyes shut; but he wasn't surprised when he didn't say anything in return.

*****

"Hey, hey, hey, take it easy. Take it easy," Bellamy soothed as he led a shaking Murphy into the medical ward and gently helped him onto one of the tables,  
"You're bleeding again, Murphy; let me take a look at that," When his friend didn't object, but didn't respond to him either, Bellamy removed his hand from his shoulder once again. As his hand was removed, a cry of pain escaped Murphy's lips and Bellamy winced at the sound,  
"You can't keep ripping your stitches open like this, Murphy." He gently scolded as he moved to a nearby table and started digging for supplies,  
"You ripped your stitches open on the Ring when you cut your hand open and didn't take care of it. You need to be more careful," As he began working on repairing the stitches, just like he had done on the Ring after the first year up there, a tense silence fell between the two friends before Murphy finally whispered angrily.

"It's her fault, Bell..."

Clarke.

"I know," Bellamy replied, his voice cracking with emotion again as he tried to keep the tears at bay.

"She did this, and she didn't care who she hurt in the process..." Murphy sniffed and wiped his free arm over his eyes to smear away the stream of tears,  
"She didn't give a shit about leaving you to die; she didn't care about our family...and now, now our family...Harper...M-Monty..." A broken sob escaped him and as he lowered his hand, Bellamy saw the same rage, the same hatred, shining in his eyes that he had directed at Clarke,  
"We never got to say goodbye to them, Bell; I never got to thank him for saving my life because of her! She's taken so much away from us that we can never get back! She took away our family's future together! And she didn't care at ALL!" Just as Bellamy was finishing attempting to patch up Murphy's torn stitches, his friend weakly attempted to jump off the table, but Bellamy carefully pushed him back,  
"I'm not done with that bitch, Bellamy-"

"Yes. You are," Bellamy interjected, keeping a firm grip on his good shoulder to keep him in place,  
"At least for now until you're no longer bleading out on me or ready to collapse at just standing up." 

"How can she just get away with this with no consequences, Bellamy?!" Murphy demanded, his voice rising in the small room,  
"Because she's the Commander of Death? Because she's Wanheda, and what she says goes?! Because she's the LEADER?!" The sarcasm in Murphy's voice at his last words dripped with pure malice.

"No. She's not getting away with anything, Murphy; and neither is my sister," Bellamy denied, looking him straight in the eyes as the tears streaked both of their faces over the loss of their family,  
"She isn't going to be suddenly forgiven for this, not right now at least. She has to take responsibility first. But..."

"But what?" Murphy bit out angrily.

"But you need to take care of yourself first," Bellamy replied, putting the finishing touches on fixing up his friend's stitches and bandaging him up again,  
"And that means physically and emotionally." Before Murphy had time to interrupt, Bellamy jumped back in,  
"You where shot. You had surgery and you're still in pain; and now you've torn open the stitches Jackson put in during your surgery. Add to that this news about Monty and Harper, and everything Clarke and Octavia have done. You need to take care of yourself; and that means letting me help you." 

Murphy was silent for a few tense moments, allowing Bellamy to go about the task of bandaging his arm back up again and gently manouvering it into a sling. After what felt like an eternity, he finally shook his head miserably,  
"I hate her..."

Gulping at the knowledge that Murphy really indeed mean it, and also knowing that he had the right to feel that way after the countless amounts of betrayals, Bellamy sucked in a shuddering breath,  
"I know you do. Raven looked ready to attack back there as well."

"We never got a chance to say goodbye to them, Bellamy. Why does she get to still have her family, and members of our family end up dead?" At Bellamy's silence, Murphy lifted his good arm and wiped away the stream of tears on his face again,  
"What do we do?"

"What we do...is be there for each other. That's what we do. We take care of each other and try to do better...in their honor," Murphy's face completely crumpled then at Bellamy's words and he didn't waste any time in gathering his friend into his arms and holding him tightly. It was at the exact moment when Murphy's hands clutched the back of his shirt that the first of a fresh round off sobs tore through his body.

Sobs of grief. Sobs of loss. Sobs of anger and rage. And endless pain.

*****

"They all hate me now."

Bellamy looked over to Clarke from where they stood in front of the window overlooking the new planet many hours later. She didn't face him; instead, her hands clutched for forearms as she stared out the window, apparently going over everything in her head.

From Murphy's rage and hatred towards her, to Raven's silent fury and death glares she had sent her way, to the way everybody else refused to speak with her; and even to the way Bellamy had refused to even touch her since the new planet had been revealed to them. 

"All of them hate me...even you." At that, Clarke turned to face him tentatively and Bellamy let out a long sigh and turned back to the window.

"I don't hate you, Clarke. I could never hate you."

"But you don't like me or trust me right now, do you?" Clarke continued pressing, keeping her eyes on him.

Bellamy remained silent as he contemplated what to say and how to say it without coming across as cruel,  
"I don't trust you." He paused before turning to look Clarke straight in the eyes,  
"And I have not forgiven you either."

Flinching at his words, Clarke turned all the way around to face him and grabbed a hold of his hand,  
"Bellamy, look at me." She felt tears once again prickle her eyes as Bellamy pulled his hand away from her grasp,  
"Please just look at me..." When he finally did, she continued pleading,  
"You have to forgive me-"

"Why is that?" Bellamy demanded, arching his eyebrows at her and frowning,  
"Why should I automatically forgive you?"

"Because it's me...because it's me; nobody else will forgive me-"

"That's not an excuse, Clarke," Bellamy interrupted with a sharp shake of his head,  
"You have to stop making excuses for your actions. I'm not making excuses for my sister's actions either." He huffed out a humorless laugh,  
"I can't forgive O yet, so why should you be any different? You both tried to get me killed and tried to kill my family-"

"Bellamy, if you're going to be siding with what Murphy said...I deserved that anger; I deserved what he said, but...you have to admit he crossed a line-"

"Stop right there," Bellamy sharply interrupted again,  
"Just stop." He held up a hand to silence her,  
"He has a right to be angry - they all do. And so do I. I don't hate you, Clarke; I can never hate you, but I don't necesarilly like you at this moment."

"Madi told me...she told me that she told you about the radio calls I made over the 6 years you where on the Ring," Clarke continued pressing, not willing to give in and accept what was happening in front of her, or willing to see just how selfish she was being  
"She said that you forgave me..."

"What gives you the right to demand forgiveness after everything, Clarke?" Bellamy demanded, folding his arms across his chest,  
"There are no excuses; not from you or Octavia or Miller even. You have to work on forgiveness now, I can't just hand it to you anymore because you want it."

"But it's what we've always done, Bellamy," Clarke choked out, her chest starting to hurt at the direction in which this conversation was going,  
"I forgave you so many times for betraying me, and for putting the Flame in Madi's head; but now you don't trust me or even forgive me?"

"It's different and you know it, Clarke," Bellamy signed, exhaustion filling him and not just this conversation but at all of the events that had taken place ever since they where woken up from cryo,  
"I don't trust you and I can't forgive you yet. You need some time to yourself to realize the true reasons why, because I can try and explain until I'm blue in the face but you still won't get it." He backed away, and started back down the hallway and away from her,  
"That's my final answer, Clarke. I'm sorry." With that and without waiting for another response from her, he walked away. As he was just heading towards the hall, he turned back around and firmly added,  
"We'll be heading down with our team to the new planet tomorrow, Clarke. You'll need to get your head in the game and think of Monty and Harper's sacrifice for all of us. It's time to stop thinking only of yourself and start trying to do better, like they requested us to do. It's not fair to them or any of us if all you care about is yourself." Without another word, he turned back around and left Clarke standing on the bridge.

END


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally not planning on adding another chapter, but inspiration wouldn't leave me and I decided to just go for it. This chapter is a lot more Anti-Clarke & Anti-Bellarke then the first one, just a warning. So don't like, don't read. I honestly do not know if I will be adding any more chapters in the future, so I will keep this marked as "Completed" for now; if the inspiration hits, I will update it again.

It had been at least 24 hours since their scouting team had made it down to Monty and Harper's new planet and Murphy kept finding himself looking up at the night sky, continuing to go over everything in his head. Their scouting team, which consisted of himself, Bellamy, Echo, Emori, Shaw, Miller, Jackson and...Clarke, had spent those last 24 hours mainly just talking with each other around a campfire and about Monty and Harper, and the huge sacrifice they had made for all of them.

Now, his remaining family - minus Raven, who had refused to go down to the planet yet with Clarke - had all taken to try and get some sleep around the campfire. Except for Murphy. He didn't know how anyone could even bother to try and sleep now; they had slept for 125 years straight. Yet, everybody who had come down with him to the new planet where sound asleep around him at the campfire...or rather, what was left of the campfire.

Everybody, except for him, of course...and Clarke. She had taken off some time ago after it had become crystal clear to her that nobody wanted to have anything to do with her. 

Thank goodness, because Murphy didn't know how much longer he would have been able to stand even being relatively close to her, much less acting civil around her.

His thoughts where on an endless loop and he knew if he even tried to sleep, he wouldn't be able to. Murphy knew that if Bellamy ended up waking to find him still awake, he would most likely force him to at least try and get some sleep; ever the protective big brother Bellamy was, and with Murphy's current injuries from having been shot, Bellamy was more protective then ever. Although Bellamy had told him that he didn't have to come down to the new planet with them just yet - that it was okay for him to stay on the Mothership until he healed - Murphy wasn't having in it.

Mainly because Clarke Griffin was going to be down there with his family.

And there was no way in hell he was going to leave them alone with her. He knew that Raven was safe up on the Mothership with Madi there, too; but down here, despite the fact that Echo and Emori could handle Clarke, this was Bellamy. His best friend. 

And Clarke was the traitor who had willingly left him to die in Octavia's fighting pit in Polis, and then left him behind in the gorge to die as well.

Anger once again churned in Murphy's gut as he ran a hand over his face in frustration. If Clarke so much as tried to speak with him again, he didn't even know how he would react; he had barely held it together when it had been the whole group sitting around talking. If it was just him and Clarke...there was no telling what Murphy might say to her.

Closing his eyes with a small sigh, Murphy suddenly snapped them open when he heard footsteps coming up beside him and the same rage churned in his gut as he came face to face with the one person he did not want to be around.

Clarke.

Did she ever get the hint?

Apparently not, as the next thing Murphy saw was her taking a seat beside Bellamy and Echo's sleeping forms,  
"Murphy...can we talk?"

"Back so soon?" He snapped, turning his head away quickly before carefully attempting to get to his feet. Emori's head was still resting on his good shoulder and after carefully moving her without waking her up, he bit back a hiss of pain in his right arm as he climbed unsteadily to his feet. He tightly gripped his bad arm that was still secured to his chest and bandaged, but refused to allow Clarke to see the amount of pain the simple action caused him,  
"We already talked, Clarke; and I said all that I wanted to say." 

"That's not fair, Murphy," Clarke frowned, also climbing back to her feet and walking closer to him,  
"I just want to have a civil conversation-"

"I was civil towards you," Murphy interrupted, stepping over the large log he and Emori had been leaning against and starting to walk away from Clarke,  
"From the time we landed until the time everybody fell asleep. It was more then you deserve." Hearing Clarke's footsteps behind him as she followed him, Murphy walked faster; if he was going to lose his cool with Clarke all over again, he didn't want to wake up his friends while doing it,  
"Why should we have another conversation now?" Without waiting for a response, Murphy continued walking until he was certain they where out of hearing range from his family before whirling back around. As he did so, Clarke caught up with him and now stood directly in front of him, slight annoyance written on her face,  
"I told you already what I thought of you on the ship, Clarke. I hate you, and that's not going to change," He hissed, narrowing his eyes dangerously at her,  
"So why don't you please leave me alone?"

Clenching and unclenching her fists at her sides, Clarke lifted her chin and looked him straight in the eyes,  
"Because you don't understand why I did everything I did, Murphy; nobody will give me a chance to explain-"

"Give me one good reason why I should give you a chance to explain your side of things?" Murphy interrupted, his eyes hardening and his voice growing dangerously low,  
"I was there. I witnessed it. I LIVED through it...You tried to kill every single member of my family, Clarke! Every single one! And now two of them are dead and gone forever - there are no excuses for that!"

"I'm not the one who dropped those missiles, Murphy-"

"You're the one who sold us out to McCreary and his men in the first place and gave him all the details! You TOLD him how long it would take Bellamy and Octavia to march! He wouldn't have even had all the information he had in the first place if you had never sided with him, if you had never sent Bellamy to his death in the fighting pit! You purposely sent McCreary to Raven and Shaw when they where trying to get a fucking real Commander; you allowed him to listen in and then sent them to be tortured! You where going to kill Echo, too! There are no excuses for this, Clarke!" Murphy felt his face turning beet red with anger as he laid into Clarke,  
"You've been putting me and my family in danger ever since the 100 landed on Earth for the first time!"

"That's not true, Murphy," Clarke tried to object with a sharp shake of her head,  
"You're being unfair. This isn't fair to lay all the blame on me. Octavia was the one who led everyone to the valley-"

"I'm not talking about Octavia, Clarke," Murphy snapped,  
"I'm not talking about her choices. I'm talking about YOURS. Because you're the one that's making excuses, not her!" Before Clarke could cut in, Murphy continued, his voice rising,  
"What gives you the right to constantly sacrifice those we love because you say so? What gives you the right to ignore what other people want because it's not what YOU want?! You're the one who ignored Bellamy and accused me of killing Wells in front of the entire fucking CAMP back at the dropship! Bellamy was the one who kicked the crate, but you're the one who accused me without even letting me explain myself! You're the one who then defended the real killer and then banished me to the Grounders to die after she killed herself!" Heat rose to Murphy's cheeks as he was getting angrier and angrier by the minute,  
"I overheard you telling Bellamy after I came back to camp, after they tortured me, that you would kill me if I didn't leave after you got what you wanted. You didn't realize I heard you, did you?" He watched through narrowed eyes as Clarke's face paled slightly,  
"No matter what I did to try and do better, everything was still my fault, including Finn's massacre on that village! Because I didn't try hard enough, right?"

"I'm sorry, Murphy," Clarke started to reply, her face getting even more pale by the second. 

Murphy sneered at the half-ass apology and shook his head, even as he saw a few tears form in her eyes again,  
"No, you're not. If you where sorry...if you really where sorry, you would have told me that over 100 years ago, Clarke." His chest started to tighten as he mentally prepared himself for what he was about to say next,  
"If you where really sorry...you would not have left me in Polis with Ontari. You wouldn't have left me to be RAPED by her, Clarke!" His voice cracked on those last words, but he refused to allow any tears to appear in his eyes; he refused to be weak in front of Clarke Griffin. His glare was filled with hatred as Clarke once again brought her hands to her mouth to stifle a sob,  
"You didn't know that, did you? I fucking kept you alive in the City of Light; I pumped Ontari's dead heart to keep you alive! Do you have any idea how fucked up that is?! And then you go and decide that both Emori and I are completely disposable and chain us both up, and almost put Emori in that radiation chamber! Because you had no choice, right? Wanheda always has a choice, Clarke; everybody has a fucking choice! You made the choice to take Luna's bone marrow against her will and then made the choice to try and take Emori from me! What kind of person does that make you, Clarke?!"

"I'm sorry about that, okay, Murphy?" Clarke finally shouted, lowering her hands from her face,  
"But I didn't have a choice in the matter to take the bone marrow! I pulled a Mount Weather; I know I did and I'm a hypocrite for it. But I was doing what was best for our people and I was trying to save us-"

"You where trying to save YOURSELF, your own ass!" Murphy interrupted yet again,  
"You where only trying to save those YOU considered worth saving! That's why you made that fucking list, didn't you?" When Clarke didn't reply, Murphy sneered and shook his head,  
"You've never own up to anything you've ever done and 6 years alone with Madi didn't change that; neither did 125 years in cryosleep! Nothing you do that has hurt all of us have ever had any consequences because you always have a fucking excuse for them!"

"You haven't taken any responsibility either, Murphy, for the things you've done or faced the consequences!" Clarke shouted, but as soon as the words where out of her mouth, she snapped her mouth shut. Despite the fact that Murphy could clearly see regret fill her face as soon as she said the words, the anger in his gut only intensified.

Unable to hold it back, he let out a loud, bitter laugh, even as Clarke brought her hands back up to her face in what would appear to be shame,  
"Are you fucking kidding me, Griffin? I've done nothing but face the consequences of my actions ever since my dad was floated and I was sent to the SkyBox! I've worked my ASS off to try and do better, to be a better person and to make amends for the damage I've done! I've never made excuses for them, Clarke; I owned them! I've been beaten, tortured, hung, raped, electrocuted, shot...all while trying to make amends! I've taken responsibility, I've apologized for the parts that I've played in hurting my family and I've felt guilty as hell for it! I took responsibility for shooting Raven! I took responsibility for hurting Monty when I tried to kill Jasper! I took responsibility in trying to hang Bellamy! Hell, I even tried to be there for you after Lexa was killed, but you abandoned me in Polis with Ontari! And you want to know why I did all those things, Clarke? You want to know why I tried to do better and be better? Because as much as I hated to admit it before, I fucking care about my friends, and I care about what happens to them! I had many opportunities to kill Bellamy when we hated each other in the beginning...but I didn't. I could have let him dropped him off that cliff, but I didn't, and that was my choice! Because I didn't want him to die! I didn't have to try and stop Finn from committing that massacre, but I didn't want him to feel the same way I felt! I've been making up for shooting Raven for YEARS now, even though she's forgiven me! I could have let your mother die after she hung herself when ALIE was controlling her, but I didn't!" Rage filled him as he yelled in Clarke's face,  
"You don't have any right to get on your high and mighty and tell me that I have to take responsibility for my actions when you NEVER do; all you do is run away from it-" His words where suddenly cut off when he felt a sharp sting on his cheek and his head snapped to the side as Clarke's palm made contact with his face. His cheek instantly burning, Murphy barely had time to even register what had just happened before a familiar voice yelled out from behind them.

"CLARKE!"

Lifting his head slightly, Murphy didn't have time to fully react as Bellamy came running towards him and the next thing he knew, he felt himself being lightly shoved behind his best friend. It didn't take long for Bellamy to become a human shield in between him and Clarke.

Clarke didn't even get a chance to open her mouth for more excuses before Bellamy jumped right in,  
"You can raise your hand to hit me all you want when I'm not doing what you want, Clarke; but don't you EVER raise a hand to any member of my family, got it?" His friend's voice, while quiet and calm, also held a burning anger that Murphy could sense from the way his entire body hardened as he spoke,  
"I shouldn't have to tell you that."

"I-I'm sorry-" Clarke stuttered and Murphy finally managed to straighten himself up enough to realize what exactly was taking place in front of him. Bellamy had an arm stretched out behind him, and Murphy just then realized that he was lightly clutching his good arm in a protective manner. His dark eyes, usually warm and friendly after 6 years of growing up, where now hard as they where narrowed at Clarke.

Ignoring the attempted apology that Clarke appeared to be trying to make, and feeling nothing but animosity towards her, Bellamy shook his head as he stared her down,  
"You've threatened the lives of my entire family, Clarke. You've plotted the murder of my girlfriend and didn't care about how much they mean to me." He paused briefly before lowering his voice a notch,  
"If you so much as raise a hand to any of them ever again, don't think that I won't kill you myself."

"Bellamy-" 

"I'm serious, Clarke," Bellamy interrupted in the same low tone of voice,  
"You've threatened Octavia's life too many times. You're not going to hurt my family anymore." Without another word, Bellamy turned back towards Murphy, who still stood with a shocked expression on his face and a hand against his reddened cheek. Wrapping a careful arm around his best friend, Bellamy guided him as far away from Clarke as possible.

Leaving her alone yet again.

*****

END


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As long as inspiration keeps hitting me, I'll keep adding chapters. Reminder that this entire story is extremely anti-Clarke and anti-Bellarke, so if either of that bothers you in any way, I would not recommend reading this.

Bellamy continued pacing back and forth outside the medical ward, arms folded across his chest and his eyes moving back and forth between the closed door and Raven, who was sitting on the ground outside it, leaning up against the wall. Her arms where wrapped around her knees and her eyes followed Bellamy's every move as he continued pacing. A few feet from the door to the medical ward stood Emori and Echo, worry etched across both of their faces as well. Echo held herself together better then Emori, however, who had her own arms wrapped around herself, even while her friend did everything she could to offer as much reassurance as possible. 

"How did this happen?" Bellamy finally spoke up and Raven sighed as she rose to her feet, slightly unsteady,  
"He was fine...at least, I thought he was fine. Sure, he did tear his stitches open, but I didn't think an infection had kicked in..."

"Bellamy, we didn't know," Raven softly reassured, although the worry for Murphy was eating her alive.

"We should have known," Bellamy shook his head as he finally stopped pacing and met his friend's eyes,  
"We're his family, Raven," Here, he gestured at the two of them and then to Echo and Emori, just as the two turned to face him,  
"How did we not know he was still in that much pain? That he was still bleeding? Raven....we could have caught that fever before he passed out on us-"

"It's Murphy, Bell," Raven interrupted, reaching out to place a gentle hand on his upper arm, which she found was shaking just as badly as her legs,  
"You have to literally force things out of him sometimes-"

"He was shot protecting Echo and I, Raven," Bellamy ran his fingers through his hair in agitation,  
"I told him he needed to be more careful...we should have seen the signs that he wasn't doing okay. He...He could have died while on that planet if we weren't with him-"

"But we WHERE, Bellamy," Echo interjected as she moved to place a hand on her boyfriend's shoulder from behind,  
"Jackson was there, too, and we all managed to get everyone back onto this ship so that he and Abby could help him..." She swallowed hard, doing her best to try and convince herself.

"He's gonna be okay..." Raven added, and at Bellamy's skeptical look, she forced a small smile,  
"He's a cockroach. He won't let getting shot take him down...he's been through worse..."

"Will he be okay though?" Bellamy lifted his eyes to the ceiling of the Mother Ship, forcing himself to not allow tears to escape him,  
"He hasn't woken up..." He gulped loudly and it wasn't until he felt Echo wrap her arms around him that he finally lowered his head to her shoulder and allowed a few tears to leak from his eyes,  
"I can't lose any more of my family..."

Raven was silent as she rubbed her friend's back and was just thinking of something to say in respond to him, when she caught a glimpse over Bellamy's shoulder of the last person she wanted to see. Emori caught her eye as well and turned around just as said person rounded the corner.

Clarke.

And she was coming right at them.

Echo caught the hardened look creeping onto Raven's face and with a raised eyebrow, she pulled gently away and nodded at Bellamy to look behind him. Raven folded her arms over her chest and met Clarke's attempted smile with a stony look of her own. Her eyes narrowed dangerously and her lips curled into a snarl as she looked Clarke straight in the eyes,  
"What the hell are you doing here? You're not wanted."

Flinching slightly and turning away from Raven's nasty look, Clarke attempted to meet Bellamy's gaze, but he refused to even look in her direction.

"I just wanted to see how Murphy's doing-"

With a snort, Raven snapped,  
"Like you care."

"Sure, we've heard that before," Emori grumbled from behind her and glared at Clarke as she turned to face her briefly, but before she could reply, Raven jumped back in.

"What are you really doing here?"

"I told you-"

"Right, you're checking on Murphy to see how he's doing," Bellamy finally interrupted, moving his eyes to look at Clarke, but his gaze not softening,  
"He's still unconscious, is that what you wanted to hear?"

"I can't believe you would even think that about me," Clarke attempted to keep her voice as low as possible, just in case there where any eavesdroppers nearby,  
"After everything we've been through-"

"After everything we've been through..." Raven mocked with a roll of her eyes and with a disgusted shake of her head, she moved to grab Clarke's upper arm and started to drag her away from the medical ward and her friends,  
"Can we talk?" Without waiting for a response, Raven added,  
"Good. Because we're going to talk in private, just you and me."

Raven didn't say another word until the two made it onto the bridge overlooking the new planet and as soon as they where out of earshot, she released Clarke's arm and got into her face instead,  
"Haven't you done enough damage to us?"

"Raven, I'm trying-"

"You're not trying one bit!" Raven snapped, looking Clarke straight into the eyes. Her brown eyes where as cold as ice as she stared her down until she watched Clarke flinch,  
"You're making excuses, just like you always do! Have you no shame or decency? The amounts of people you have hurt on this very ship - there's too many to count, and you still are trying to make excuses! And you still refuse to leave us alone, no matter how many times we've asked you to!" As Clarke attempted to cut in, Raven wasn't having it,  
"I've lost two members of my FAMILY because of you! TWO, Clarke! Monty and Harper are dead, and they're never coming back! It wasn't enough that you killed Finn, the only family I had left; now you go and kill two more!"

"I didn't kill them, Raven!" Clarke shook her head, taking a step back away from Raven.

"You're the reason we wound up here in the first place, Clarke!" Raven continued, the anger and rage in her voice sounding very similar to Murphy's,  
"Murphy already spelled it out for you, yet you still don't get it, and you still don't think you did anything wrong! Well, I've got news for you, Clarke; you've done a hell of a lot more harm then good in the time that I've known you! How dare you leave Bellamy to die in that fighting pit! After everything he has done for you, after all those times he's forgiven you when you don't deserve to be forgiven! He's stood by you, defended you, protected you, risked his life for you and thought of you as his best friend - and instead of looking at things from his point of view, you leave him to die! Twice!"

"I didn't-"

"Shut up!" Raven's voice rose as she pointed a finger in Clarke's face,  
"You don't get to talk! Not until I'm done! You sided with McCreary, Clarke - McCreary! You know, the bastard who tortured Murphy and I, the bastard who was gonna KILL Murphy in front of my own eyes and put a tracking device on him! You sided with him instead of trusting Bellamy - and then tortured your own child by shock-collaring her and holding her against her will! Do you have any comprehension of what you have done?!"

"I just wanted to protect Madi, Raven-"

"By torturing her and abusing her?!" Raven shouted,  
"You, Murphy and I have all had the unpleasant experience of having that device used on us! Your MOTHER used it on ME!" Her glare hardened as Clarke's face paled,  
"Let me guess, you got the idea to shock-collar Madi from Abby, didn't you? That's why you thought that abuse was okay, right? You have done nothing but hurt my entire family the entire time we where on the ground, even before Praimfaya; you wanted Madi safe, even when she was never in any danger, but wanted Bellamy to sacrifice US in order to do it! Bellamy poisoned Octavia for you, and this is how you repay him? By leaving him to die in a fighting pit?!" Seeing that Clarke was finally not able to come up with any excuses now, Raven continued on,  
"You never cared about us, not unless you where the one in control and you got something out of it! All you cared about was being right, and who you where willing to sacrifice - as long as it's not someone that YOU love! But being with only Madi for those 6 years changed you for the worse, Clarke, didn't it? Because now you can't see past your own selfish wants, and are willing to sacrifice even your supposed friends to get it, like ME! You where willing to let Echo die, to let me get tortured again, to let Bellamy die in the gorge...and then you try and come back in, after you realized you where wrong, and try and take over again - like you're suddenly in charge? That you don't have anything to make up for or apologize for?! Well, I've got news for you, Clarke - there's a lot more people on this ship that can't stand the site of you then those who are willing to forgive you, and my family is one of them!" Feeling tears start to leak out of the corners of her eyes, Raven stubbornly pushed them back as she turned back around, preparing to head back to the medical ward,  
"Now if you would just excuse all of us and leave us alone, please? Murphy hasn't woken up yet due to that infection from being shot, and we're all worried he might not wake up at all. And if he doesn't...that's on you, too." Her voice broke off at the mere possibility of losing another member of her family - one of her best friends - and as she turned back around to walk out the door, she felt Clarke grab her upper arm to turn her back around.

"Raven, WAIT-"

Without thinking first, Raven reeled her fist back and clocked it straight into Clarke's jaw, her head snapping sharply to the side at the force of the impact. Satisfied that there was shock on Clarke's face at the punch, Raven was about to make one final go at her when Bellamy's voice sounded from the doorway.

"Raven...Abby and Jackson just gave us an update; Murphy's not awake yet, but he's out of the woods. "

Ignoring Clarke completely now, Raven's eyes softened and she felt some of the tension leave her as she hurried over to Bellamy,  
"Thank God..." As she heard her friend, she felt him reach out to give her a quick side hug around her shoulders. She watched as Bellamy shot a blank look over to Clarke before turning back to her and nodding. As they finally neared the medical wing, Raven and Bellamy both entered the room; Echo and Emori where both standing at Murphy's bedside, Emori holding his hand tightly in hers as tears streaked her cheeks. As Bellamy made his way over to Murphy's bed and took a seat, laying a hand on their friend's leg beneath the blankets, he leaned into Echo's side and allowed her to once again offer him comfort. 

Before making her way over to the rest of her family, Raven turned back around to see that Clarke had indeed followed right behind them and was now standing in front of her again,  
"We're done here." Was all Raven said before closing the door in Clarke's face.


End file.
